‘I am optimistic and sentimental to the point of being annoying, especially to people who think that being cynical and cold is cool.’ ~ Yasmin Ahmad

I meant to write another lenghty entry on my recent quest of becoming an Ashtangi but I was distracted by a lousy tribute show for the late Yasmin Ahmad on Astro Ria. I had to stop writing what I intended to write because the show (and other ‘tributes’ done by different channels) just did not do justice, not even close to what Yasmin had contributed to Malaysia and how she changed us all!

I, for one, chose not to blog nor Twit about her passing last month because everyone else was doing it (I thought I was playing Yasmin Ahmad’s faux-cool bit :(, read again post title).

But recently, especially tonight, especially now – I suddenly feel the urge to.

At first I thought I was furious at this pseudo-THS: Yasmin Ahmad show for using disappointing AF has-beens that do not live up to Yasmin’s contributions and for not being able to capture the ‘loss’ emotion and tragic sadness from the people they interviewed BUT then I realized:

I was mostly angry for it startled me – if Yasmin had directed this, I would have cried, teared up and most importantly, moved by now.

I am just angry for all of us wouldn’t be able to appreciate another simple yet most powerful masterpiece from an incredibly talented and from what I gathered, insanely humble human being we all knew as Yasmin Ahmad.

I have personally met Yasmin only once, during the media premiere of Mukhsin (2007) but we did communicate when Leo-Burnett (the ad agency whom she was their beloved Creative Director) contacted me to conduct yoga sessions at their firm and when I left a comment at her blog in which she took her time personally replying:

Ninie Ahmad commented…

Dearest Yasmin,

I love you.
And love is an understatement.

I admire you for making me not ashamed of having been going to the cinemas again to watch Malay movies (although I had to walk out on Senario The Movie and Jangan Pandang Belakang after 15 minutes. God knows, I tried).

I thank you for portraying Malaysia beautifully in your ads, for capturing beautiful Malay values in your movies, that I am not proud to say – most of the time more beautiful on silverscreen than what we know happening and for making lines from Malay movies memorable again.

I am a Malay Muslim (soon to be banned?) yoga teacher in KL that’s having the trial time of my life by MY own people that can’t seem to stop keeeeeeep telling me (in my blog) ways to ‘be a good Muslim’ by listening to our Muftis, to cover up, to not live with non-Muhrim when all I am trying to do is, to ‘be a good person’ with big dreams to make Malaysians look better and live longer.

(I am) On the brink of giving up ‘blogging’ (before I become the words they have been putting in my mouth), I thank you for lending me some strength from the meaningful quotes you often paste here, for your lovely words and wonderful insights and for many more inspirations you never know.

Thank you.
May God bless us all and forgive all cruelty we have done to each other.

Peace, love and light.

November 20, 2008 9:21 AM

Yasmin Ahmad replied…

gosh, ninie. i don’t know what to say. i wish i knew what rasulullah s.a.w would have to say about your yoga and my films. someone wrote on my blog that i had no right to utter the words “alhamdulillah” because i don’t wear the hijjab. i told them if i can’t say those words, than i can’t recite the fatihah, and if i can’t recite the fatihah, then i can’t do my solat, and if i can’t do my solat, i’d be very, very sad and lost.

why do they judge people so easily? do they think they will gain allah’s pleasure by condemning a fellow muslim like that? and why do they always comment anonymously?

oh well, allah knows best.

i read in al-baqarah that there will be many who will say they believe and worship allah, but in truth, they don’t. and they don’t even know that they don’t believe! na’uzubillah. was the koran referring to these people?

allah knows best.

November 20, 2008 9:46 AM

That very reply of hers lent me the strength to keep on fighting for my yoga when it faced the thoughtless tribulation late last year.

I am reminded and kept borrowing her last line of advice “Allah knows best” whenever I get asked, “How dare / come you are still doing yoga?”

For that, I am still here.

For her haunting & beautifully-written and love & kindness-laden movies, I am inspired to keep feeding my yoga classes with beautiful poses and love & kind words.

For her success of having proved (brilliant) Malaysian movies do not have to have Mat Rempits or Datuk’s second wives in them, I aspire to prove to the world that not all Malaysian Muslims do not exercise (BBC London reported ‘Malaysia bans exercise for Muslims’ on November 24, 2008).

Everytime I repeat reading her blog posts, I feel like quitting blogging altogether (in a good way!) for I will never be able to share and write as beautiful, as articulate, as honest and as humble as Yasmin did.

Everytime I repeat watching any of her movies, I immediately feel like I am already a better friend, a better family member, a better lover, a better Malaysian, a better Muslim and a better me.

For that, I will remember Yasmin Ahmad as a familiar stranger that has the biggest impact in my life  if not a cool big ‘sister’ (anak-anak Ahmad) I never have.

An excerpt from Muallaf (2008) that ‘Malaysia may never get to see’ and learn a lot from (I hardly get angry, but when Malaysians / Malays get generalized from some ignorant minority, my fuse blows):

“Did you forgive anyone that hurt your feeling today?”

LET’S DO THAT. Everyday.

LET’S SCAN AND FILTER OUR SYSTEM. Every night. So we would wake up the next morning feeling lighter and not hating the gift of living another day.

I am sure Yasmin meant that, for everyone to at least have thought of doing so – while she wrote the movie (I plead our government to uncensor Muallaf like how Yasmin would have preferred and begged for it to be shown in cinemas HERE).

‘It is in forgiving that we are forgiven’ ~ YASMIN AHMAD (1958 -2009)

Al-Fatihah.